


Et tu, Brute?

by wild_abu



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Child Neglect, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24832654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wild_abu/pseuds/wild_abu
Summary: Translation: And you, Brutus? Cesaer supposedly said that to his closest friend as he stabbed him in the back. Fitting.Victor finds out that everyone was lying to him the drag show and so he leaves but this time there is no Simon Spier to magically make things better. So he goes home. Big Mistake.In which Simon didn't catch Victor and everyone is a little bit more awful.(Takes place after episode 8.)
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier, Victor Salazar/Benji Campbell
Comments: 72
Kudos: 216





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Obligatory, this is my first ever fic and also my first ever time writing anything that isn't college level research papers, so we'll see how this goes. I thought that the ending of the first season was great but I love angst and the slow crawl to getting better so I thought I would write what I wanted.  
> If you are one of those people who likes listening to songs along with the story I have chosen New York by RIOPY.  
> This is a bit angsty and has a bit of dialogue but mostly its an inner monologue sort of thing so I hope you all enjoy!

Victor didn’t know what he was doing. He was on the way back early from his New York trip and he couldn’t help but feel a bit sour after he found out that Simon had been spreading what he was saying with his friends and Bram. He had walked out of the drag show after finding out that everyone knew about him by just the slip of a word from Ivy’s mouth. He instantly felt trapped again, after feeling so free. He walked back to the cramped shared apartment with the help of his GPS and memory. Unlocking after he had easily found their spare that they had showed him in case of emergencies which was at the top of the gap between the doorjamb and the mold green plaster wall. He packed up his duffle bag and grabbed his backpack and left after putting the key back in its resting place.

He walked slowly to the nearest Greyhound bus station as his head filled with thoughts that would usually be sent in a DM to Simon. But as he traded his return ticket for an earlier one those thoughts swirled so heavy he could feel a dull throb pounding at his temples. He just wanted to go home where everything was… normal? Is that what it could be called with all the tension from unsettled fights and broken promises? He was sure it wasn’t home. He didn’t feel the ease of home since Texas and it hurt. He missed his friends and his old normal when he wasn’t worried about an unobtainable boy who smelled of coffee and coconut shampoo.

So that brings him to the now; sitting in an 80’s pattered foam seat in a bus that smells of dull cigarettes and mildew and trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes as he was taken further from that taste of freedom.

By the end of the 16-hour bus ride to Atlanta he had a sore neck and a dead phone, but he was back in Atlanta by 5:00pm on a Saturday. Which meant he could sleep all day tomorrow after the sleeplessness from the bus. He dragged his feet home excited to get to bed and he was sleepwalking up the stairs to the apartment when he could hear it. The yelling. It was a mix of Spanish and English so he could only catch bits and pieces of it with words like “liar”, “cheater” and “arrogant” being thrown with careless malice. Victor knew he didn’t want to go in there and see his parents brought to silence with looks of guilt in their eyes and hatred burning in the room as they stood across the living room from each other with a spread of bills on the coffee table. So, he didn’t. He changed his mind and after dropping his duffle outside the front door walked to the café. Due to his day’s unfortunate destiny, Benji was there. After their kiss everything was off; like when you move the furniture in your room after having it one way for years, different and uncomfortably wrong. Benji was smiling and laughing as he made a mocha caramel latte for a girl who was on her phone and far to dressed up for a coffee shop. Victor didn’t want to destroy that mood because Benji deserved to be happy for a least day. He thought about where he would go now and he was brought to the conclusion of Mia, but with no phone and a 30-minute walk he didn’t want to risk the chances of going to an empty house. He walked in down-town and looked in the unfamiliar shops for anyone and anything that could take him away from his problems. He was in a shop that sold wooden carvings of bird houses and other lawn ornaments when he saw them. Felix, Lake, Andrew and Mia getting food at a food truck in the square. He watched them as they sat down and laughed after Felix tried to steal some fries from Lakes pile and Andrew must’ve had the perfect remark. They looked happy. Like they belonged together as a group. Mia was sitting close to Andrew and resting her head on his shoulder as Felix flailed his arms exclaiming loudly, probably telling a story.

He stood there holding a wooden bird looking at his friends and girlfriend having a great time without him and then he thought to Benji in the café laughing just like his friends. Just that thought made his headache pound harder and his thoughts swirl faster. What would even happen if he went home? He would surely have to make up a lie about there being an emergency but with the way his mom is she would call the coach and ask why she hadn’t received a call or anything and he would be revealed but he couldn’t go to his friends or else he would be caught in his other lie of the boys trip. He couldn’t go to anyone and Benji didn’t even want to talk to him let alone have him stay over, so he was left with no other option than to go home and grab his duffel bag and walk around until the morning. So, he made his way back, pulling up his hood to try and not be seen. By the time he had got back to the apartment the sun had completely set and the temperature grew cooler and cooler with every step and his hoodie wasn’t enough. He made his way up the stairs more exhausted than he had ever been. And when he reached where he left his duffle bag he found just the grey carpet with frayed threads and a stain that looked suspiciously like juice. He had been found out because he had been so careless. The yelling was gone but as he unlocked and walked into the apartment it was replaced with an eerie silence and his footsteps sounded like small explosions. He made it through the corridor and into the living room with papers strung out like confetti. His parents sat across from each other at the dining room table with the duffle bag in the center of them. Victor sat at the table slowly with only the hum of the fridge and the clicks of the clock to break the tension. 

His dad was the one speaks first, with a face and voice that matched his exhausted posture. They were all exhausted.

“Victor, I am going to ask you once and I expect an honest answer. Si?”, he said looking Victor in the eyes.

Victor nodded, not knowing if he trusted his voice to show bravery. He took a small shaky breath in.

“Where were you Victor? Your mom and I called the school and they said that there wasn’t training camp for the basketball team and that even if there was the camo wouldn’t be until fall of next year for the pre-season. So, where were you?”, his father said voice becoming more and more tense with every work. He looked at his mother whose face was a mix of worry and distain.

“I was in Atlanta. With Mia, we went to a museum but then she got a cal-“, his lie was interrupted by his father.

“We said to be honest, Victor! We called Mia and she said she that you were on a boys trip. A boys trip? Victor, we raised you not to lie to us. To others. And now your friends are wondering where the hell you were and so are we! So where were you Victor?”

He swallowed down the lump in his throat. And took another breath in as he looked at his parents whose faces held no worry just anger and distain.

“New York.”, he said in the smallest voice he could wishing more than anything he could leave.

“Jesus Cristo, New York Victor! You lied to us and went 900 miles away? For what a city?”, his father said as his mother looked on in horror. “Do you even know how dangerous that was? What would’ve happened if something happened to you or if we needed you and we had no clue where you were? How could you be so stupid and irresponsible? We raised you better than this. If you wanted to go to New York we could’ve gone together as a family!”, his father was outright yelling in his face. His father spitting with the words “stupid”, “clue” and “together”. Victor sat still like a statue as he listened to his father’s disappointment. His mother who had been silent up until then spoke only one word that Victor was dreading. A word that would make his resolve crumble.

“Why?”

Victor stayed silent for a minute and thought, really thought about why. As he was thinking about it the more dangerous and idiotic it had sounded. How could he be that stupid? To go to a city with the most people and meet up with someone he was talking to on the internet because he thought he was gay? Because the thought that he might be gay scared him so much that he himself couldn’t handle it? So, he thought about what to say and only came up with the truth because that was better than anything that his exhausted brain could think of.

“I went because I needed to see someone. Someone who could help me with what I am going through, someone that knew what it was like.”, He settled on vague and hoped that it would ease their anger and questions. But it seemed to only fuel the fire that they had as they looked at him expectantly. Waiting for the truth.

“I met with someone who was gay.”, he started with and looked each of his parents in the eyes before continuing.

“Because I am gay.”, he looked down at the dented wood of the dining room table and waited. Waited for anything to happen. But a hug never came nor did a word of love or apology. The clock kept ticking and the hum stayed constant but other than that the world seemed to have stopped. Victor counted the ticks of the clock and once he reached 600 he stopped and looked up to his parents’ eyes and what he saw looking back at him was not a look of love or even understanding and tolerance. It was one of masked anger, barely buried disgust and outright hatred. It was in that moment that Victor swore to never look them in the eyes again because he had seen that look before, many times before every morning when he looked into his eyes in the mirror he saw someone who wasn’t who he showed everyone. It was the real him.

After looking into their eyes, he moved his own back to the table and waited and waited until something finally came. His mother got up from her seat on his left and moved to the small bookshelf and grabbed her bible and rosary before moving to the far wall away from Victor. His father meanwhile came closer to Victor and held out his hand, and Victor knew exactly what he meant as he brought his lifeless phone to his hand where he snatched it away from him. He went to the hallway and down the corridor until he reached Victors’ room and took away his laptop, headphones and alarm clock and turned the room upside down for the radio exclaiming that he has seen it. He ripped down the posters of basketball players and threw them in the trash. He did this as Victor watched with unshed tears from the doorway. He took away his books, pictures, movies and CDs exclaiming that the devil must have reached him some way. He grabbed a left-over box from the move that had held his mother’s cookbooks and stuffed it until it didn’t close. He shoved it into his and his mother’s closet and looked straight into his son’s eyes.

“You may stay here but from now on you are no longer our son. We didn’t raise you to be a fag, so we are no longer raising you. You leave for school you go to work you come home. You won’t talk to us unless spoken to and you will stay away from your brother because the last thing we want is two disgraces in the family. You won’t eat with us. You won’t join us for family events, and we won’t join you for yours. Got it.” With every word his father came closer to him until he was as close as before in the dining room. But before in the dining room Victor still had a father and a mother who cared and now? He had memories of the same two who hated him. He had memories of nightmares soothed with hot chocolate and warm hugs. He had memories of support at his basketball games with homemade signs filled with puns. He had memories of happiness, but the more he thought back the more those were tinged with sadness and longing. And so, he fell on his bed clothes on and let his headache overtake him as his swirled thoughts came out as hot tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK, BACK AGAIN.  
> Hello! I'm back with another chapter! I was so surprised and motivated at the kind comments of the last chapter that I just started the next one like Sunday or Monday night. I'm on a road trip right now so the next update might be a while or until I get some good connection to post, but with all the driving it might be a longer or chapter or more likely two so get ready for that. I loved the idea that AndreC had so that inspired this chapter.

Victor fell in an out of consciousness until Sunday night where he found that his mouth dry and his eyes still stung from crying. He looked around his room with more clarity and saw bits and pieces of his posters on the wall that were hanging by small nails and thumbtacks. He looked down at the green hoodie that he had been wearing for nearly three days and made a move to take it off but found that the movement was just too much at that point in time. He had no clue of the time but from the looks of window it was early sunset as he could see the blue sky turn all shades of the rainbow. He fell back into unconsciousness until he was startled out by some commotion and a slammed door when he looked out the window it was no longer that sunset but rather morning and a cloudy one at that. He rushed out of his bed and onto his feet and threw open the closet doors to get on an outfit suitable for school which only ended up being a hoodie and a plain white t-shirt and the first pair of shoes he could grab before running out of the door. Victor walked into the kitchen with the same frenzy that only increased with the look at the clock on the microwave and grabbed some water and a banana to eat before heading off to school.

Victor was 20 minutes late to his gym class and was pulled aside by coach and given the lecture that went something along the lines of “tardiness is a sign of disrespect” and that he’ll “let it slide for this time but don’t make it a habit”. If Victor was paying attention he would’ve apologized but his mind was back in his bed and all he could do was nod. With 20 minutes left in the period the coach just led him to the bleachers and walked off. He went to grab for his phone before he remembered Saturday night and his brain buried deeper into the covers of his bed and so he just stared at ceiling and counted the tiles by pairs. He got to counting halfway through his second time before the bell rang and he was following the stream of people to his health class.

While on the way to the health class he felt an arm pull him into a utility closet and when he had finally calmed down from his initial panic he found Felix looking at him with wide eyes and Victor had no clue what to say. He was about to test the waters with a small “hi” when Felix beat him to it and started off the conversation with

“What’s up hombre, I was texting, but you never answered me. How was the boy’s trip?” he said with a mix of slight disappointment and far too much enthusiasm for a Monday morning. Victor looked at him his mouth was slightly agape before stuttering out a reply.

“Oh yeah, sorry about that dude, my parents took away my phone. The buys trip was good!” he said running his hand through his hair to try and distract himself.

“That’s good where did you guys go? What did you guys do? What did you see? I bet it was so fun to hang out with your family!” Felix said, he was basically bouncing on his heels. Damn. Victor hadn’t thought anything like that through.

“Look, Felix there was no boys trip. I lied.” Victor decided that ripping off the band aid would be the best option. But the look on Felix’s face looked muddled as he tried to think that through.

“You lied to me? Then where were you actually?”, Felix said and even though it was a simple question the last time he answered with the truth I didn’t go well. But this was Felix his best friend, he was cool with Benji and Derek, so why would he be horrible to Victor?

“I was in New York. Visiting a someone who was helping me through some stuff.” Victor settled on, but that only opened a new door of questions for Felix.

“New York? Jeez! Is that why your parents took away your phone? Who did you meet? Helping you through what? You know you can talk to me right? What did you do while you were there? Are you still going through som-“, Victor cut him off as a headache started to form again in the same place as before, his right temple.

“Dude cool off! It was kinda the reason but not the full reason. We played basketball and talked. Yes, I am still going through some shit and I probably will for the rest of my life!” he hadn’t realized until the last sentence that this was going to be happening for the rest of his life. “Felix, I thin- no, I know that I’m gay.”, He finished off with. The bell for class came and went and the two stayed in the utility closet. Felix looked at Victor as he brought his hand up over his head and brought it down on to Victors’ shoulder and pulled him into a hug.

“Are you okay?”, he said, his voice calm as he hugged Victor.

“No.”, Victor said as his last bit of resolve broke and he was a sobbing mess.

“My parents found my stuff outside the door after I came home early and questioned me about it and when I told them, oh God, they looked at me like I was a monster and they just sat there for what felt l-like hours and my mother didn’t want to be near me and, and my father ransacked my room and took everything besides my clothes and bed. Felix, they basically disowned me and said that I wasn’t allowed to talk to Adrian. They called me horrible names. They hate me. They are too disgusted to even look at me. And maybe they’re right maybe I am a monster.” Victor rushed out taking short breaths between the harsh, body shaking sobs.

Felix and Victor stood there hugging for another couple minutes until Victor sobs dissolved into sniffling and whimpers. Felix just stood there awkwardly as Victor cried, not really knowing what to do. After Victor calmed down he ended the hung and wiped his eyes and nose.

“Sorry about your hoodie.”, He said sounding a little guilty and stuffed up.

“It’s no big deal, everybody needs a shoulder to cry on.”, Felix said as he gathered his things.

“I am going to tell the teacher that you didn’t feel well and it’s pretty believable because you look like hell.”, he said without any real insult while chuckling lightly. Victor thought about it and decided that bed seemed like the better idea for him as the rest of the day just seemed exhausting. He nodded and followed suit by grabbing his stuff from the floor and walked out of the closet. Felix stopped him before going their separate ways.

“Everything is going to be okay Victor.”, And he walked off to class as Victor headed for the main entrance but he was stopped by vice principal Albright right before his exit of the confines.

“Where do you think you’re going there, pal?”, she said hands on her hips as she looked like a mom. Victor turned around from the doors and looked down at his shoes in front of her. She cleared her throat which meant that the question wasn’t rhetorical. He swallowed before speaking as he didn’t want his voice to wobble.

“Home.”, he said “I feel sick.”, tacked on to the end as he remembered the cover story. She looked Victor up and down. Her unimpressed gaze looking for any sort of deceit.

“First off, look at me when I am talking to you, I have been here way too long to not get respect.”, Victor looked up at her, his eyes still blood shot and puffy, his face still red from crying and his hair and clothes disheveled. She looked at him up and down again this time looking for something else. Where she once saw Victor Salazar, she now saw Simon Spier from nearly a year ago. Defeated. Where she once saw Victor as a happy and nervous kid on his first day she now saw Victor as an exhausted and sad person who needed more than just sleep to help the bags under his eyes. She was floored.

“Go, just go home and feel better. Okay?”, she said waving her hand in a downwards pushing motion towards the door. Victor looked at her a decided that Felix must have been right about looking like hell. He turned back around and walked out the doors and into the early spring air.

When he got home it was silent, he could hear the hum of the fridge and the steady click of the clock. He looked around but his eyes stopped quickly after landing on his mother in the dining room. She was sat in a chair and staring at her bible and rosary. She looked like a statue, like she had always been there. He dropped his bag on the ground and her head turned to look at him. Her eyes had begun to tear up as she stared at him. She hadn’t said anything that night, so he was skirting around her and letting her think. He didn’t want to lose both of his parents. He was about to enter the hallway to his room when she spoke.

“I just don’t understand it.” Her voice wobbled, but she continued. “We raised you from the day you were born to be a Christian. To be a good person. And I have read that book and it has none of the answers for where I went wrong with you.” She looked at him in the eyes with such malice and the book with such hope and sadness.

“Mom, please I am so sor-“, he was cut off by his mother who was speaking an angry mixture of Spanish and English.

“No esta tú madre! I stopped being your mother when you failed the work of the lord. Now I have a sinner en mi casa who I don’t even want to look at!”, she said, and Victor felt like crying. He had already lost her. He felt his thoughts swirl and the headache was back. He felt sick. He walked away from her and into the nearest bathroom. He vomited up first the granola bar from that morning and then bile, it burned, and the dry heaving hurt but not as much as it hurt to know that he lost his parents. He stumbled to his bedroom and began crying at the sight of it, it had no personal value, no personality and felt more like a prison than ever before. He laid on the bed and drifted off. He was woken up abruptly by Adrian jumping on him and giggling, he missed that giggle. He smiled at him and gave him a hug, had it always been that hard to smile?

“Mom said you were sick, so I wanted to check on you! Are you okay?”, he said it with such innocence. He looked at Adrian and only knew that he didn’t want to ruin this. Ruin him.

“I’m fine. Adrian, mom was right I am sick so you should probably go away for a while, so you don’t get sick either in case I’m contagious.”, he said hoping that Adrian would go.

“You can’t get me sick, mom said that you were sick in here.”, he said tapping on his head. Victors smile slowly dropped and he didn’t know what to say so he settled on a nod and a ‘hmm’ sound. He went back to his laying position; tears began to well up again and he buried into his covers.

“Did I say something wrong?”, Adrian asked he seemed sorry.

“No Adrian, you did nothing wrong.” Adrian could never do anything wrong. Victor said this but it was small, wobbly and muffled from the blanket. That ended the conversation as he heard the door open and close. He laid there in his bed and cried and the covers slowly became more and more humid. He heard a loud banging at his door and a shout from his dad accompanying it.

“Hey you little shit. We’re gonna talk.”, He was slightly slurring and far too loud for an apartment. All Victor could think was that Felix was wrong. Nothing was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I thought about working on my cliff hanger skills... please feel free comment with questions, comments or edits. Oh, and if you have any ideas for chapters I would love to hear them. I love writing, but coming up with creative storyline plots are not my strong suit. Thank you all for reading and I will have another chapter up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm already back again! I had time and after writing my other work was on bit of a roll.

Victor walked into the hallway; his feet were dragging on the floor. His once dulled headache was now back at full force. He could hear his father in the kitchen slamming cabinets and the clinking of glasses. He passed a mirror and that made him pause in the hallway as someone else looked back at him. The person who looked back to him was tired. The bags under his eyes looked like bruises and his cheeks were lifeless and his face looked slimmer. When was the last time he ate? Did he always look like this? Did he always hate the way that he looked? He looked at his hair that was slightly greasy and very messy and then he moved his eyes to his black hoodie and black sweatpants. He used to love color, but now black just felt right. It made his skin look paler and his body smaller. He was pulled away from both his thoughts and the mirror by a glass smashing in the kitchen. He was reminded then why he was out of bed. His father.

When he made it to the kitchen he saw broken glass on the floor and he dad opening another bottle of Jack Daniels. He waited there until his dad turned around.

“Good, you can follow some sort’f directions.”, he made a noise that was a half chuckle and half snarl before continuing.

“So, can you tell me why the hell you were talking to my son?”, he said pointing at him with an accusatory finger. Victor stood there silently. His breathing grew faster as his father came closer. His construction boots from work smashing the glass beneath him even more.

“I said one thing to you, to stay away from Adrian so you wouldn’t corrupt him? And what do I hear when I get home from work? I asked him how his day was, and he said, ‘Today I talked to Victor dad, he seemed sad’. Can you tell me why the fuck you thought you could talk to him and get away with it? You fucking fag, you disobeyed me.”, by the time that he finished he was only inches away from Victors face and victors eyes burned both from tears and the putrid smell of alcohol on the older mans breath.

“So, here’s what your punishment is, clean up the glass.”, Victor instinctively looked for the dustpan and broom, but his father saw this and knew what he was thinking.

“No, not with the broom, piece by piece with your hands. Si?”, Victor nodded and got onto his hands and knees and began cleaning up and his father walked to him and put his foot on his back. Victor froze. His father began pressing harder on his back as he was picking up the glass. Near halfway through picking up the glass, his body was shaking, and his knees were in pain from having to handle the weight of himself and his father’s boot pressing down. The weight kept getting worse and worse until he couldn’t hold himself on his knees anymore and he put his hand down on the ground where he was met with shards of glass. He didn’t feel the pain at first, but he did feel the warmth of blood. When he did feel the pain, he screamed. It was low and came from his stomach and it only made his father press harder. He screamed again when his other forearm was brought down, his thin hoodie doing nothing to stop the shards of glass from reaching his skin. He screamed again but was only given more weight.

“Stop! Please Stop! It hurts! I’ll leave Adrian alone; I won’t speak to him ever again just please stop. I’m sorry! Please.”, the words poured out of his mouth as the shards began to move under his hand and forearm the force from his father becoming too much to handle he was afraid that if his father didn’t stop his chest and face would be next to hit the floor. His father smirked at his cries and moved his foot and with it all the pressure.

“You are fucking nothing to me. Tú lo sabes? You are worthless and I will treat you as such if you ever talk to my family again.”, he said as he bent down to his level. He walked out of the kitchen and left Victor on the floor surrounded by pools of his own blood and pink and red shards of glass.

Victor laid there for a minute, he wanted to sleep, wanted to be in bed. He didn’t want to wake up. He heard footsteps walk past the kitchen and then to the dining room and finally to the living room until he heard the front door open and slam shut. It was only then that he sobbed, because of the blood, because of the pain, because of the words, because of the headache that seemed like the only real constant in his new life. He continued to sob when he stood up and half walked half limped to the bathroom. He let out screams at every shard of glass he pulled from his skin and when he wrapped it with some old ACE bandages that was left in his basketball bag from a sprained ankle years ago. He let out whimpers as he walked to his room and groans as he fell on his bed. He ached everywhere. His hand, his arm, his head was pounding, and his stomach was starting to hurt as well. He looked at the ceiling and just stared for hours and he thought about his life. All he could think about was the look on Adrian’s face as he explained that he was sick in the head. He didn’t want to think that it was the truth but as the night went on and he stared at the ceiling more, he came to the conclusion that he had to be sick in the head. Why else would his parents disown him? He drifted off to sleep with thoughts of his father calling him a fag and worthless and his mother screaming that he wasn’t her son. He prayed that tomorrow would be better, it had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its a bit on the shorter side, but I felt like this was a good place to end it. Please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions for future chapters, I always love hearing what you have to say.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.

Victor woke up at 3:00 am he was sweating, and he couldn’t breathe. He had had a nightmare. It was all muddled in his brain now, but he could remember the words worthless being prominent. All he could feel was the pain from only hours before. He looked down to his hand and saw it bleeding through the bandages, but he could make himself get up to deal with it and left it for later. His mind traveled and he thought about yesterday and the fight with his mom and dad, he thought about Adrian and Felix. When had he talked to Felix? Oh right, school. He felt his stomach lurch at the thought of getting up for school or maybe it was a lurch in order to alert him that he needed to eat. He counted in his head and found that it had been nearly three days since he had last eaten. The last time being pizza in New York with Bram and all of them. The thought alone made his heart hurt. He needed to talk to Simon and soon. He needed him to know that he was alive at the very least. He didn’t feel like sleeping for the next couple of hours until it was commotion that woke him up, so he laid in his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore. It only made his head hurt more than the dull throb that he has become accustomed to. By the time his alarm clock showed the numbers 7:13 he was already out of bed and dressed in a dark hoodie that had sleeves that were far too long for his arms in an effort to hide his rewashed and bandaged gashes from the previous night. He wore the first pair of jeans and shoes that he could find, and he made his way to the front door. He was on his way out of the door when he heard his name.

“Victor!”, he heard quietly from the hallway he looked back and saw his sister, Pilar. He had missed her but also hadn’t seen much of her since before he left for New York. He walked over to her in the hallway, careful to be quiet and not alert his dad of his talking to Pilar in case that caused any further problems. Pilar pulled him into her room which looked cozy and like her with all the personal belongings on the walls and shelves.

“What the hell is going on?” she said as she went to her closet to pick out her t-shirt for the day. She was trying to match with some tight black joggers and a blue jean jacket. Victor didn’t know what to say. What would he say? ‘Oh yeah, nothing much. Mom and dad disowned me because I’m gay and I lied to everyone about my basketball trip. No big deal, but I’m also no longer allowed to speak to Adrian and so yesterday to teach me a lesson dad bashed my arms into glass shards.’, How about no.

“What do you mean?”, He settled on maybe then he could figure out whatever the hell she meant.

“Why haven’t you been answering Mia’s texts? She was looking for you all day yesterday. She was pissed.”, she said kind of sounding annoyed herself as she pulled out a white Thrasher t-shirt.

“Mom and dad took away my phone a couple nights ago. I probably won’t get it back. And umm, yesterday I was sick so I came home early.”, he said and prayed that it would be enough. He didn’t want to lose another person.

“Oh, shit that sucks. Okay. I’ll let her know.”, she said and just like that both the conversation and her outfit were done. Victor was happy that he didn’t have to go into the details of how or why he lost his phone, his computer, his possessions, his parents and his overall happiness.

“Mom and dad also say that I shouldn’t talk to you.”, Victor says, his voice small and timid. “Because its part of my punishment.”, he finished with and Pilar looked at him and gave a knowing nod, because it was common knowledge that the Salazar parents tended to give some unjustified and unusual punishments. Like the one-time Pilar was eight and didn’t eat all of her brussels sprouts at dinner so the punishment was that Pilar had to eat brussels sprouts on everything she ate for the next week. But Victor could see his punishments as justified. And maybe that was the most fucked up part that he saw what he got for punishment was justified the more and more that he listened to his parents. Maybe that was him thinking that if he could find logic in it he hadn’t truly lost his parents and they were only doing what was best for him. After standing there and staring at his sister as she put on some makeup for a minute he left and went to the kitchen where the blood and the glass was gone. However, he couldn’t stop thinking about last night as he stepped in to grab some breakfast. His breathing became faster as he looked at the middle of the floor where his hand dug into the glass and the floor near the cabinets where his other arm had given out. His eyes began to sting as he could feel the pain radiate from his hand and forearm all over again. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to be there. He walked out of the kitchen and walked straight out of the door into the hallway. Victor didn’t usually leave for school with Felix until 7:45 so that they could be early when class begins at 8:05. Looking at the clock that was in the hallway he saw that it was only 7:20 but he was still on the verge of crying from his minute in the kitchen and so he couldn’t be bothered to stop and wait for Felix and he knew that he would see him at school, so he started walking. He walked to the café and waited in line. He ordered at the front a black coffee and a breakfast sandwich. His manager looked at him with eyes that he didn’t quite know what they meant. It was a mixture of pity and something else that he couldn’t put a name to. He went to grab his wallet, but his manager just held up her hand and said something along the lines of, ‘it’s on the house. Looks like you need it kid’ and Victor could only muster up a small smile of appreciation. He ate the breakfast sandwich slowly as his stomach swirled at the food. His coffee was hot and managed to wake Victor up on his walk to school. He was early and went to his locker to drop off his bag and pick up some of his gym clothes before heading off to the gymnasium. He was nearly halfway when he saw Mia and it was almost like the world stopped. She was laughing with Andrew, Lake and Felix just like the night he came back from New York. She looked happy. She saw him and her smile faded until it was one of anger and disappointment. Victor crumbled on the inside at the thought that he wasn’t the one to put the smile on her face but rather the one to replace it with a slight frown. He stood there frozen and waited for her to make her way over to him followed by Andrew and Lake, Felix followed behind timidly. Mia’s first words were not one of worry or even understanding. No, her words were ones of fire.

“Where the fuck have you been? Why the fuck have you been radio silent?”, she said lifting her hands up into the air, like his mom used to do when he had done something stupid. He had done something stupid. Victor looked at her and thought about how to say this so that she would calm down. He pulled down his sleeve to cover his hand and looked at her.

“I got in trouble, I did something stupid and my parents punished me by talking away my phone, laptop and even my radio from Felix.” He said but he couldn’t look her in the eyes, he was afraid to see the hatred and disgust that he saw in his parents’ eyes.

“Where were you Victor? Your parents called me and asked if you were with me. I thought you said you were at a boy’s trip! You fucking lied to me, to everyone! So where the fuck were you Victor!”, By now a small crowd had formed around them. Wanting to see the drama.

“Mia, please can we just go somewhere alone and I’ll explain everything. Plea-“, he was cut off by Andrew.

“No, Salazar I think you should just tell all of us, we want to hear you say it.”, Victor looked at him but not in the eyes. Never again will he look someone in the eyes. He looked at Felix, who wouldn’t look at him, his eyes down casted to the floor. He looked guilty? Why would _he_ look guilty?

“Go ahead Victor… tell us what we know.”, Lake said. She looked smugly at him. _What we know._

“Felix? Did you tell them?”, His voice wavered. His eyes began to sting. He looked around the hall and there were people everywhere. He couldn’t do this. Not when they hated him. Not when Felix already told them everything. Not when he could see his parents look in each of their eyes. Not when Felix looked so guilty. He looked around the hall again. he saw Pilar looking at him with quizzical eyes and he saw Benji look at him sadly. He couldn’t fucking do this. The bell rang but Victor had no intention of going to class. He couldn’t go home. Not to where he would see his mother’s disappointed eyes. He made his way to the library. He walked around the school having no particular destination in mind. As he passed by the library he had an idea. He swung open the door and walked inside and straight onto one of the computers. He logged onto Instagram and started writing out a DM to Simon, because who did he have left?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have the next chapter working so don't fret. I know that many of you wanted Felix to be a supporting role and help Victor but I really just didn't want that to happen quite yet. I hope you all like this one regardless, comment are really truly appreciated, I always love reading them and using them for ideas on the next chapters. I would also like to thank you all for 69 kudos because I a 12 year old and don't have a mature bone in my body.


	5. Chapter 5

** Saturday  **

**Simon:**

Victor, Bram said that you left? Where are you? I’ll meet you and we can talk!

**Simon:**

Victor are you getting my messages?

**Simon:**

Victor, I’m so sorry for telling them but you have to understand that I couldn’t be the “guru” that you needed. I needed their help because I couldn’t do it alone.

**Simon:**

I know you are probably angry, but please let us know where you are!

**Simon:**

Are you alive?

**Simon:**

Please, Victor. We just want to know you’re safe.

**Simon:**

Victor are you still in New York? Your stuff is gone, we’ve looked everywhere. Please we care about you.

** Sunday **

**Simon:**

Are you back in Georgia? Please Victor, just let us know that you’re safe.

**Simon:**

Victor Please. We want to know that you’re okay.

Victor read all the messages and he felt like such an asshole for something that he couldn’t even control. He shouldn’t have left early. He was so stupid and now everything was fucked up because of it. It was all his fault. He felt like crying as he began to type.

**Victor:**

Dear Simon,

So much has happened since we last texted, and since New York. For starters, I left New York and caught the first bus home. But, when I got home everything went to shit, to put it simply. Long story short, my mom and dad found out that I went to New York and they weren’t pleased, and I had to tell them _everything_. My father flat out disowned me and took away almost all of my personal belongings (my phone, laptop, radio that I use with Felix and even my books and posters.). It’s safe to say that my room looks and feels like a prison rn. My mother, who I thought would still love me had ignored me up until yesterday when she disowned me and yelled at me about disobeying the bible. So that’s fun. I’m no longer allowed to talk to my siblings, and I get punished if I do. But on the bright side, they didn’t kick me out. I think that I’m starting to wish that they had kicked me out instead, would’ve saved me some pain and I could watch the sunrise every morning from a park bench. 

I broke down in front of Felix and came out to him yesterday, he knew about pretty much everything. Which was not so good because I think that he told my now ex-girlfriend and all of my other ex-friends about my excursion to NYC and sexuality. And they confronted me in front of a large group of people, so now everyone in school may know about me or I may have a rumor mill up and running.

To answer your last DMs, I’m not okay, I don’t think I will be okay. I’m not safe and I don’t think I will be for the near future. So, if there is any way you can help with the despair and self-hatred growing in my stomach hour by hour. There really isn’t anything that you can do.

Love, Victor

He looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was 8:13. Had only eight minutes passed? He sat there at the computer. The mouse cursor over the send button as he contemplated whether or not to send it. But as he sat there he kind of thought to himself. What’s the worst that could happen. Simon doesn’t reply? Would that be the end of the world? So, he said ‘fuck it’ and pressed send. He waited and waited. No answer. Nearly 35 minutes had passed, and he was about to close the window when he saw the writing bubbles pop up. He watched the dots go up and down and at 8:53 he received an answer.

**Simon:**

Dear Victor,

I’m so sorry to hear that your coming out turned sour. I’m glad to hear that you got home safe. We’re always here for you in New York. I hope you know that. I also hope you know that none and I mean absolutely none of this is your fault. You can’t blame yourself for anything that your parents say or do. It’s not your fault. I know for a fact that at any time my parents will be happy to have you over at our house if you need a breather or to talk; they know about you, not everything about you but they know to not ask questions until you are ready. Who knows? Maybe your parents will come around?

Love, Simon

Victor,

I’m sorry that your parents are disturbed by your coming out. They are just prejudice jerks. My father was the same way when I came out during our motel Hanukkah celebration, it took a while for him to come around afterwards. So, if you have anything; have hope. Just know that were all here for you and rooting for you even though we’re a 22-hour bus drive away. Were so, so proud of you.

Love, Bram

Babes,

What a douche, that’s so shitty of them. But you know if they don’t come around… Bram and Simon would make a great set of parents and I would be an amazing uncle! But, for real, we’re all so sad to hear that your parents didn’t take the news well. I get what you’re going through. My parents weren’t thrilled as you could imagine. Kicked me straight to the curb. You have us and were really all here for you and ready to help any way we can. Even if it means hiding some bodies ;)

Love you!

Justin

When he read Simon’s message, he was tearing up. When he got to Bram’s note, he was outwardly crying. But, when he got to Justin’s he was a mixture or sobs and choked laughs. He could hear both the seriousness and light-hearted jokes. He missed them. He missed his freedom. He missed his family. He fucked everything up. He should’ve just kept this to himself. He was openly sobbing at the computer. He couldn’t be bothered to move or even wipe his face he just wanted to be done with everything. The crying did nothing besides give him a headache and red, puffy eyes. Why him? Why did he have to lose everyone except for the people 22 hours away. Why him? Those words played as a mantra in his head. But, those words only made him angrier and angrier. He was angry at his dad, at everything. He slammed his hands on the desks and red-hot pain flared from his hand. But the pain only served to remind him of the pain his own father caused him. He logged off of the computer, grabbed his backpack and stormed out of the library to the front entrance of the school. VP Albright was there again, standing with her arms crossed as she stared at him, he slowed to stop. A challenging her with her eyes. However, her face did not match her stance or his eyes. Where her body language said that she was annoyed, her face showed nothing but worry. He looked down to see that it was bleeding though his ACE bandages and beginning to pool at his fingertips, threatening to drip onto the pure white linoleum. Fuck. Her eyes traveled where his had looked and her face was now about to speak. He couldn’t fucking do it.

“Victor? Are you okay?”, she said but his pace had already started back up again.

“Victor! Come back and we can talk about this. We’ll get you to the nurse!”, she had continued but Victor kept walking. His long legs taking his to the doors where he smacked them open. Albright was following behind, her legs nearly jogging to keep up. He only ignored her calls, walking out into the parking lot.

“If it’s somebody at school we can get them and talk through it. We can call your parents. Victor you don’t have to go through this alone!”, Victor scoffed.

“Go ahead, see if they fucking care about me. If they do, then that’ll be news to me.”, he yelled but kept walking.

Ms. Albright stopped. She didn’t understand. She had met the Salazar’s, they seemed close and they went to Victors games. Maybe they were just going through a fight? She didn’t understand. By the time she had snapped out of her thought Victor was across the street from the school. Yesterday Victor seemed sad, but now he seemed angry. On the first day of school she would’ve never thought that he would be yelling and walking out of the school. She walked back into the school and did the only thing she could do; she called his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I added in some an Easter egg from my other work. So, if you found that then kudos! As always I love reading your comments they usually make my day so feel free to comment with any suggestions, edits for spelling or stuff like that. I have another chapter in the works, I'm on my way homefrom my road trip and have another 15 hours of driving so I'll see y'all in a bit.


	6. Chapter 6

Victor kept walking, the blood dripping off his fingertips like a light rain from a cloud, staining the gray concrete underneath him. After 20 minutes he made it to the prison he called home. He hated it and everything that it held. He went up to the apartment. He whipped open the door. He saw his mother on the couch. She looked up from her bible. Shock and disgust in her eyes. She looked him over once and made a face at the blood that was now drying on his bandages. The face was one of dismissal. It made Victors insides twist in anger. She didn’t care. She used to baby him over papercuts and now she looked at a soaked bandaged with nothing in her eyes. Who the fuck was this lady?

“You don’t care?”, he exclaimed. His voice full of anger and shock. His mother looked back at her book.

“You don’t care that your fucking husband, my father, smashed my hand into shattered glass?”, he exclaimed, trying to ger her to feel anything for him.

“You used to love me. And now what? You love that stupid book more? What if he had done it to Pilar or Adri-“, he tried again but he was cut off.

“Don’t. Mando, would never do it to Pilar or Adrian because they aren’t disgusting, worthless sinners! You know that. All you have to do it admit that you were wrong. That you were lying and made a stupid choice and this all will be over Victor!”, she said standing up from the couch, holding that stupid book so hard in her hands that her knuckles were white. Victor just became angrier at her words. Every word that she said was a lie. But she kept going.

“And now, we get a call from the Vice-Principal of the school saying that you walked out? Who are you Victor? And your father has to come home from work to deal with you!”, she yelled. The heat from his anger had frozen to ice in his veins at the mention of his father. Of course, Ms. Albright had called his parents. She said that she would. Before he could even think about what his father coming home could mean for him, he heard stomping and then the door through the hallway and finally the stomps stopped. His father was here.

“You. Fucking. Disappointment.” He heard from behind him. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He didn’t look behind him. He knew he would only see a person who looked at him with hatred and disgust. The thought alone made the ice in his veins start to thaw.

“You walked out of the school. Yelled at the Vice Principal. I thought that it was implied the last time that you were going to stay out of trouble. I guess a dumb piece of shit like you wouldn’t understand that. Figures.”, his father spat towards his back with nothing but anger. The ice in his veins returned to a warm anger, he clenched his fist causing pain to burn up through his body. His blood began flowing through the wounds again with the force.

“Now, do you remember what happened last time you did something you shouldn’t have been doing? Or are you to dense. Can you even hear me? Answer me, faggot.”, the heat from before was back and burning hotter with every word. But it was that last word that really made him lose it. He knew his father was behind him because he could feel the spit from his teeth on the ‘t’ of faggot. He reacted before he thought about what he was doing. Maybe that was his fight or flight response kicking in but he couldn’t be bothered to think about biochemical brain functions as he swung around to meet his father face to face.

“Say it again.”, he challenged as he looked him straight in the eyes, seeing nothing but hate, in eyes that used to hold nothing but love.

“Fag-got.”, his father spat at him. Not skipping a beat. It was then that Victor swung his arm, hitting his father square in the jaw. He heard his mother make a sound between a gasp and a scream; he couldn’t be bothered to look her way. His father, who was not expecting anything of the sort nearly fell over with the force. But when his father got balanced again victor wasn’t ready for the slams, first to his chest where the wind was knocked out of him and again to his back when he hit the wall. He then felt a fist dig into his stomach, making his body bend over in pain. Next he felt that familiar burn of pain burst from his nose, blood already beginning to drip. He felt his father’s hand grab his neck tightly and throw him on the floor with triple the force that victor had used on his father not even minutes earlier. All the while he heard both his father’s heavy breathing and his mother’s screams. Victor pondered if they were of horror or shock. It was given one final blow, a kick to his lower chest that both knocked the wind out of him again and make him crumple into a fetal position. The lack of air made him choke and feel like he was dying. Would his dad finally just kill him? He wondered how long he would have to stay in that position, unmoving and untouched in order to turn to dust.

“I think that taught you a lesson, now here is what’s gonna happen I am going to go back to work and your mother is going to a piano lesson, so you have until we get back to pack your shit and leave. ¿Si?”, Victor only nodded and looked up at his father with eyes that now matched his; filled with hatred. He heard some shuffling before a door closing, harsh with residual anger. At first he stayed on the ground of the living room, counting the threads in the carpet before getting up and going to his room. He first grabbed his largest bag, which ended up being his duffle bag for his away games in basketball. He used his one hand to shove as much clothing as he could fit in the bag, nearly emptying his drawers. Next, he grabbed his old school backpack and filled it with his toiletries before going into his parents closet and grabbing his electronics (minus Felix’s radio), his picture from Benji from his birthday party and a picture of his family from back when they were in Texas, back when everything didn’t hurt all the time. He grabbed any cash he could find which wasn’t much. He looked around his now nearly empty room and couldn’t help but laugh at the slight bit of irony. Victor had only just got settled into the room before he had everything ripped away from him. he was walking past the mirror in the hallway when he saw himself. The blood had stopped flowing from his nose while he had stared at the carpet and left a dry river of what was one there. And his neck and a red mark where his dad had pushed him to the ground, and he didn’t need to lift his shirt up to know that bruises were already starting to form on his chest and stomach. He stopped into the bathroom to wash his face off before he exited the apartment.He walked down the street, his pain becoming more and more intense with each step. The stares from onlookers were not apricated but understandable as he did look like he got mugged while on his way on a month-long vacation. He walked until he came upon the library. He walked in and found a nice place to sit free from people. Victor didn’t know if it was the blow to the head or the silence that was causing his ears to ring. He sat down and plugged in his phone. While he waited for that to charge up, he looked around the shelves at the books, and each synopsis on the back of the book only read with the classic boy meets girl, girl meets boy narrative. He looked back to his phone and saw that it was charged enough to go on it. He unlocked his phone and went to Instagram. He saw the messages from Simon and his throat clenched. He typed out another message to Simon, already knowing that this was going to be a downer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only had 3 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours when this was written, so if you see any editing mishaps please let me know in the comments. Also any other comments or suggestions are always appreciated and usually read, replied to and taken into account in upcoming chapters. I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Now is when it starts getting better for Victor, so hang in there. Also, thank you for reaching 1000 hits that's crazy and 100 kudos. I truly honestly didn't think that my writing would be good enough for storytelling but I am glad you all enjoy this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I know it has been a while. I'm sorry about the wait. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Next one is coming soon! this wasn't going to be this but I was angry and sad, so this was the result. Bone Apple Teeth.

**Victor:**

Dear Simon, Bram and Justin,

Thanks for those messages. They made me both cry and laugh. I left school early today, I just couldn’t do it. However, when I got home Albright had called my dad so when he came home we had a bit of a run-in, so right now I’m in the public library. Anyways, text me when you can.

Love, Victor

Victor sat and waited for a response. It was nearly 3:00 by the time he got bored of waiting for an answer, but then he heard a phone ringing, who the fuck had their ringer on in a librar- oh. It was his. He saw the caller ID for the FaceTime call and at the same time his stomach dropped, and his heart leapt. His heart leapt at the thought that Simon was calling him, and he could finally get help for his mess of a life but his stomach because Simon would see the bruises and the small amounts of crusted blood. Would that be such a bad thing? Somebody knowing and caring? So, he walked out of the library and accepted the call, he held it up to his face, the phone slightly shaking due to the pain in Victor’s arm. Within seconds Simon’s calm face turned into one of horror. He didn’t say anything at first, just taking in the state of Victors face. The swollen lip, the nose that was covered in spatters of the start of a bruise and had remnants of blood crusted in the nostrils and on his tip of the nose. Simons’ eyes then moved down to his neck where a dark red mark was beginning to develop into a bruise. It looked like a handprint. At that thought Simon was snapped out of his gaze.

“Victor, what happened?”, he said, his tone full of seriousness and his face contorted in concern. Victor took a breath and swallowed thickly. He hadn’t even started talking, so why did he want to cry already?

“Ummm.”, his voice was hoarse, and it cracked mid-way through starting. His throat was throbbing and felt swollen.

“Victor, please.”, He said still serious but notes of pleading were added to his tone. In th background of the call he could see the rest of the apartment. He didn’t want them to know. Didn’t want them to know how weak and pathetic he was. Simon must’ve seen him look behind him and sensed his nervousness because he made up some excuse to the group that his phone was dying and he was going to move to a bedroom. Victors heart clenched; he wanted a bedroom. _You had a bedroom, but you fucked that up._ His brain replied to his desire.

“Victor? You don’t have to tell me, but I would really like you to tell me.”, His voice was pleading and overly-careful, like Victor was going to break if he spoke too loud but maybe he was.

“I’m so tired, Simon. So fucking done. I can’t do it anymore. I thought everything was going to be okay. You said that it was all going to be okay, that they could come around but guess what Simon? They didn’t. And they probably won’t ever because they kicked me out. Bram said to have hope but that has run out. I had hope. It’s gone. Fucking walked out of the door, maybe even days ago when my dad pushed my hand into some shattered glass and crushed me into it. You all said you were so proud of me. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate this town. I hate my parents and my friends who left me, and I hate myself!”, Victors voice was getting louder, but he only continued, “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep trying because I know that if I keep trying then I will shatter.”, he was yelling so loud that he could barely catch his breath. Simon was crying.

“I’d rather be dead.”, he finished off in a voice that was far too calm for what he just said.

\--NYC POV--

“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep trying because I know that if I keep trying then I will shatter.” Victor yelled at Simon. He was so angry and why wouldn’t he be. The world turned on him and the only people that could help him were a thousand miles away. Simon felt tears roll down his face at Victors words. He looked to bram as he walked into the room presumably to check on him.

“I’d rather be dead.”, Victors voice chilled him to his bones. He didn’t know what to do. What did he do when someone was screaming that they basically didn’t want to be alive anymore? What did he do when someone looked so dead inside that saying that they would rather be dead sounded normal? What do you say? He looked at Bram and he looked shocked and scared. But, Bram was already ahead of him, he pulled out his phone and tapped a couple of things before bringing it to his ear. From the speaker he heard his mom’s greeting ‘Hey, Bram! What’s up?’, Bram left the room and quickly left the room, probably to explain the situation to her. Simons brought his attention back to Victor who wasn’t looking at him but rather catching his breath. Simon composed himself and his words before speaking.

“Victor? Do you have a place to stay?”, he said calmly. Victor only scoffed and shook his head.

“Okay, Victor I am going to find you a place to stay for a long time, so you never have to worry about it again. Okay?”, Victor scoffed again and looked up at the sky and murmured something along the lines of ‘Yeah, right. Until I fuck it up again’. Bram walked back into the room the phone still in his ear and a note in his hand, an unusually messy scrawl of “Where is he?”. Simon was still on the phone with Victor and he didn’t know Bram was in the room.

“So, Victor I need you to go back into the public library and wait for someone for me, can you do that?”, Victor nodded and walked back into the library and to his bags of stuff. Bram walked out of the room to tell Emily where Victor was and gave a thumbs up to Simon when she was on her way.

“Victor I am going to stay on the phone with you until she comes, do you need to go to the hospital for your nose or your hand?”, at that Bram looked at him even more scared and determined and walked back out into the hallway speaking lightly to Emily as he left saying something about the emergency room for his nose and hand.

“I don’t know, everything hurts.” Victor replied, his voice weak probably after the yelling and the swollen red mark on his neck. 

“Okay, she’s on her way. Just hang on Victor.”, he said trying to keep the situation lighter and keep Victor calm.

“Yeah, but who is she?”, Victor said as Simon saw his mothers figure walk up behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby Cliffhanger! I hope you all liked this please leave comments, I love to read them and I usually reply except for this last week :/ I also am thinking about writing another story after this one, its heavily inspired by a Norwegian show named SKAM and if you haven't watched that then I highly suggest it and if you have watched then I am thinking about doing a season three rendition but its still in the thinking stages for how that would work character wise.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back! I know it has been a while. 12 days to be exact. I had a really bad case of writers block and I have honestly never had it before, so I literally looked at this for 10 days straight before I finally got inspiration and even then it writing out what I wanted to happen was so hard. Usually writing stuff comes to me after thinking about it for a minute or maybe a day but nothing like that. Now, the POV change is this chapter might be confusing but, they are basically the same scene but they are each of their thoughts, during and after that conversation, if that makes sense. I was trying to figure out a way to write that out. I couldn't figure out another way that worked as well as what I wrote.

“Hi Victor, my name is Emily. I’m here to take you home.”, those were the first words that Emily Spier said to Victor. He burst into into tears at the thought of home. How could she take him home? He just lost the only one he will ever know. He knows that he should be in pain. He knows that his throat should ache from yelling or that his wounds from his father should make him throb. He knows that he should be in agony. But he doesn’t feel the pain of his bruised ribs when the doctors poke and prod him. He doesn’t feel the pain in his hand and arm as the doctors dig their tweezers in and take out shards of glass from days ago. He just doesn’t feel. He is sitting in the Spiers house while they get their guest room ready. _I’m here to take you home._ How could he be home when they put him in the guest room? What are they going to do when they find out how useless he is? Will they kick him to the curb too?

Once they finished setting up the room they sat down with Victor in the dining room and went over the ground rules. The standard, no drinking, no smoking, no drug and no parties. It was the same as his parents except that they had added no homosexuality without telling him. Emily looked at her watch before getting up from her seat and exclaiming that it’s nearly dinner time before going to work on something in the kitchen. This left Victor alone with Jack and at first they stared at each other for a couple of minutes before Jack broke the silence.

“Jeez, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!”, Jack said while looking towards the kitchen where the clanging of pots and pans could now be heard.

“You probably are hungry when was the last time you ate?”, he finished off, half-jokingly and half-concerned, after looking back to Victor. That made Victor stop when was the last time he ate? Today was Tuesday, did a thrown-up granola bar count? Had it really been almost four days since his last full meal? He looked up from his lap and saw Jack looking at him expectantly.

\--Jack’s POV--

“Saturday.”, Victor said. It was the first word that he had directly said to either of them the whole night. Jack looked at him in shock both in the fact that the boy had spoken to him and the fact that he hadn’t eaten in nearly four days. Jesus, what the fuck happened to this kid? And what did he say to that? What does anyone say to that? He nodded his head; he didn’t want to say anything to hurt the kids’ feelings. What if he were to crack a joke and what if that was too much for him and he walked out? Jack is pretty sure Emily and Simon would strangle him in tandem.

“I am going to go help Emily in the kitchen, do you want anything to drink?”, Jack said after a couple more minutes of silence. Victor didn’t say anything as he shook his head and stared at the dining room table. Jack left the room and went into the kitchen where Emily was chopping some lettuce for a salad. He walked over and got the cherry tomatoes and started taking the stems off.

“Why is the kid here? All I got when I got home from work was ‘he’s going to be staying over for a while.’, but Emily what happened? How does Simon know this kid and how do you know this kid? What happened today?” he said as they both worked on the salad.

“Jack, he needs to stay with us.”, she replied.

“Okay, yeah but what about his family? What if he’s into some shady stuff, he looks like somebody beat him.”, he shot back.

“Jack, his father beat him and then kicked him out of the house while his mother watched just because he’s gay.”

“What?”, he didn’t know what to say, how come he never knew what to say? They worked in silence for a while. Moving around the kitchen in complete synchronization as they always had. When dinner was done they walked into the dining room and set the bowls down, Victor wasn’t there so they assumed he went to the guest room, they called Nora down from her room and walked to the closed door of the guest room.

\--Victor’s POV--

“Jeez, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!”, Jack said while looking towards the kitchen where the clanging of pots and pans could now be heard.

“You probably are hungry when was the last time you ate?”, he finished off, half-jokingly and half-concerned, after looking back to Victor. That made Victor stop when was the last time he ate? Today was Tuesday, did a thrown-up granola bar count? Had it really been almost four days since his last full meal? He looked up from his lap and saw Jack looking at him expectantly.

“Saturday.”, Victor said. Jack looked at him with shock, god he must really think that he is fucked up. He was a stranger in their home who looked like he got jumped for his wallet and now he just told him that he hasn’t eaten in four days. He must look disgraceful. That’s all he feels right now. Disgrace and shame. Shame for being kicked out. Shame for being gay. Shame for letting his dad hurt him. the feeling burned hot in his brain, never letting up. Why did he only feel shame? Shouldn’t he feel free? Or even happy?

“I am going to go help Emily in the kitchen, do you want anything to drink?”, Jack said after a couple more minutes of silence. Victor shook his head. Not even truly processing the question that was being asked. At first he sat there and got lost in his head, but it was the conversation in the kitchen that snapped him into reality.

“Why is the kid here? All I got when I got home from work was ‘he’s going to be staying over for a while.’”, he felt sick. Of course, they didn’t want Victor here. Did he even want to be here? Did he even want to be alive? He stood up from the table carefully and walked to the guest room. Why was he here? Why was he alive? Nobody wanted him here. Wouldn’t it just be easier to leave? He grabbed his phone and walked out of the door, closing it behind him. It’s what he always did at home. Where to now?

Victor slipped out the door to the garage and then to the side door. Then he was free. That was easy. He walked for a while, he knew that he should’ve been in pain, but he couldn’t feel it and he couldn’t be bothered to care. He walked until he was near the edge of the town, where there was a bridge overlooking a river. It would be so easy. One of the easiest things that he’s done. He swung his leg over the railing. It was so easy. Everything else was so hard but this was so easy. Victor used his good hand to hold himself steady as he swung his other leg over the railing and then he was just sitting there on the railing, staring at the moving water below him. It was almost too easy. No notes, because who the fuck cared, not his family or his friends. He thought about Simon and the NYC crew, but Victor knew they would understand. They would be hurt but after a bit he would just be a memory. Of that kid that couldn’t handle life. Would anyone find him? Would anyone care enough to look for him? Would his parents care? He let go of the railing. He was ready. He could do this. He couldn’t handle his family hating him. He couldn’t handle his friends publicly ridiculing and leaving him. He couldn’t handle his life, but he could handle his death. He was ready. And he was so close. Until somebody grabbed him from behind and fucked it all up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I know that this chapter seems bad but this is good. Trust me, this will be good. I am setting this up for some good. Any guesses on who's the mystery hero?  
> As usual, comments are really appreciated. I love reading and responding to them. I want to thank you all for over 2000 reads and nearly 150 kudos. That's insane and it makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, boy I'm back. This is short, I know, but I felt like this was a good place to end it. Nobody guessed the hero. I had her in the back of my mind and I decided after writing it that I just liked it.

He couldn’t handle his life, but he could handle his death. He was ready. And he was so close. Until someone grabbed him from behind and fucked it all up.

Victor was grabbed from behind. He could feel hands where his father had kicked him, causing him to grit his teeth and double over in pain. He was so close. He struggled as the person pulled him from the ledge and laid him on the ground. He tried to get up and back to the ledge as they held him down. He was crying as he tried with all his might to get up from the ground. His throat went raw, he was screaming without even realizing it.  
“Please, just let me die!”, he screamed and thrashed against the hands that held him down.  
“If you won’t let me do it, then fucking kill me!”, he sobbed. His sobs turned into cries.  
“Victor calm down. Breathe with me, in and out. Yes, that’s right. With me, calm down.”, the voice said as he cried into their lap. His cries turned into sniffles and murmurs of ‘kill me!’, ‘I just want to die’ and ‘please, just let me jump!’. Their clothing smelled of thieves essential oil and mint. It soothed Victor even more than their words and mutterings of sweet nothings. All he wanted to do is sleep, forever.

-Albright’s POV-  
Ms. Albright was driving home; she was exhausted after a nearly 14-hour day at the school. She got in early for some meetings with the department leads for English, math, science, and social studies; all that they had talked about was budgets for supplies and fieldtrips. Then of course she had to deal with the students who had misbehaved the day before and set the record straight for how she was running things. That took her to 8:45 where she sat in her office with a cup of coffee before conducting her hall monitor duties. She had to call Victor’s parents after he walked out of the school, but that was the protocol when a kid did something like that. But the way his mother and father had answered the phone, chilled her to the bone. It started out worried but then once she said Victor’s name that worry, and parental love turned cold and harsh.  
She lived out of town, it was cheaper and quieter to do that. Every night she went on this bridge that overlooked a deep ditch and whitewater river. Too dangerous to ever swim in because white water is dangerous water. Tonight, was different and maybe it was the fact that her feet hurt more than usual, or that the sun had already set but she could feel in her bones that something was off. She was driving up to the bridge when she saw someone staring at the water below, not an unusual sight as there was a hiking trail a quarter of a mile away. But then as she started to drive on the bridge she could see them swing first one leg over the railing and then another. She didn’t like how this looked when she got closer she could see their shoulders begin to shake; they were crying. She slammed on her brakes and turned on her hazard lights. She was running to the railing as they released their grip from the railing. She grabbed them by their middle as they began to lean forward. She pulled them down to the ground and held them down. All the while they screamed and thrashed.  
“Please, just let me die!”, they screamed and thrashed against her hands  
It wasn’t until a car passed by that she got a look at their screaming face. One that was screaming at her this morning. She knew it was Victor. But she didn’t want it to be Victor. The things that he screamed broke her heart again and again. The screaming subsided into heaving sobs, which made way for quick harsh cries into her pantsuit skirt. She tried to get him to calm down and breathe and it seemed to have worked. Because when the tears dried up, he turned to whimpers and a mantra that she was sure was said subconsciously, ‘please let me die, please, please, please.’. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know what to say. But, she knew that she would do everything in her power to make this right.

-Emily’s POV-  
Jack and Emily opened the door only to find the light off and the room empty. They looked first in the bathroom and then in the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, all of the other bathrooms, the yard, Emily’s office, all of the kid’s rooms. With every room that they came up empty handed, the more that their anxiety grew. They tried texting him and leaving him time to respond, thinking that he could’ve been on a walk but when a couple minutes had passed, Jack had hopped into the car to go look for him and Emily tried calling places around town to see if he was there. She tried calling Victor four times, but he didn’t pick up. She called the hospital, answering loads of questions about his height, weight and clothes in case a John Doe had been brought in. Emily was a mix of relieved and terrified that he wasn’t there. She tried calling Victor again but this time she finally got an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, Albright wasn't a main player, but after she called his parents, I need her to get redemption. Please let me know what you think in the comments, I always love to read them and usually respond to them.  
> Thank you all so much for reading! I hoped you enjoyed it!


	10. Chapter 10

-Victor’s POV-

When Victor woke up it was dark, and he felt warm and numb. A few thoughts went through his mind, the first right when he woke up he thought he was back home and it was all a terrible dream. One that he would forget all about when he walked into the kitchen of the apartment and start making pancakes for the family. But then he noticed the pain in his face and chest. For those next few fleeting seconds he thought that he had done it. He thought he had succeeded jumping off the until he noticed that his breath was moving his chest up and down. It was after the moments of bliss and satisfaction that it all came crumbling down faster than it had in real life. The tired feeling, he had had before is setteled deep in his bones, making his body feel like lead, heavy and unmoving. He didn’t know where he was, or who had ruined his perfect escape. For all he knows he could’ve been back at his home in the apartment where his dad will beat him one last time, and maybe he’ll kill him. Hopefully he’ll kill him.

He opened his eyes slowly, the bruise from his nose had blossomed and made it painful to open them. He looked around the room and saw his bag that he brought to the Spiers’ house and his hoodie that was hooked on the chair. He heard the familiar voices of Emily and Jack, the were quiet and steady. There was also another voice that he knew he has heard before but couldn’t place. It was a voice that made his stomach drop but he didn’t know why.

He heard the voice that made his head scream say a word that made his blood freeze for a second, ‘suicide’ it reverberated in his mind again and again and again. The last he remembered is was that he was on the bridge and then he had gotten pulled down. Who had pulled him down? The last thing he remembered saying and doing was crying into someone as he pleaded with them to let him die. When had he gotten so fucked up?

He didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to move or talk to anyone about it. He wanted to lay there in the bed and stare at the wall until his brain turned to nothing and his body into dust. He didn’t want to face the disappointed faces of Jack and Emily; he didn’t want to look at his broken face in the mirror. He couldn’t. He turned his body over and stared at the wall, his back facing the hallway and his “savior”.

-Emily’s POV-

“And are you sure that he said all that and that he was about to jump?”, Emily said for what must’ve been the hundredth time that night. She just couldn’t beilve it. She couldn’t fathom that someone she was supposed to be watching who she knew might’ve been suicidal just slipped away from her. She held her necklace as she walked back and forth in the living room. Jack was on the love seat and Ms. Albright was on the couch they had been talking for the past couple hours about Victor and what made him want to do this. She shared what she knew and Albright shared what little she could, she had mostly just heard about what happened the other day with the Ms. Brooks, Merriweather and Mr. Westin and Victor.

Emily continued walking as she walked through the events that night. She had been calling anyone and everywhere to find where Victor could’ve gone and tried Victor’s cellphone tons of times and when she got an answer she was about to cry.

“Victor! Are you okay? Me and Jack are worried sick, and we’ve been calling all over for you!” she spoke into the phone. However, her stomach dropped when she heard the voice on the other end.

“Um, hi, my name is Natasha Albright. I am with Victor right now on Merimack Bridge going out of town. H-he tried to jump, and I grabbed him just in time.” The voice, Natasha, spoke.

“Oh my god, we’ll be there soon. Can you stay on the line with me? Is he still awake?”, she said as she grabbed her coat and shoved Jack out of the door and to the car.

“I can stay on the line. He was awake but he was just repeating the same thing over and over again. I don’t know what to do, were just sitting on the ground he is passed out on my lap or something I don’t know. I- I- What do I do?”, Natasha replied it sounded like her voice was cracking, she was about to cry. But then again so was Emily. They were about 10 minutes away from the bridge, but Jack was going nearly 20 over on the speed limit they were going to be there soon.

“Please, Natasha, don’t cry you got to be strong. If Victor wakes up you need to be strong. Okay? Can you do that for me? Were about 2 minutes away, were coming as fast as we can.”, she replied trying to calm the other.

“Yeah, I can do that. I just saw him today at school, he walked out of the school and I had to call his parents. He didn’t look like this, this morning. Did me calling his parents do this?” She was rambling mostly to herself as eyed Victors swollen face and neck. She felt awful.

“Hey, this isn’t your fault, you couldn’t have known what was going to happen. And even if you did, I know that you would’ve done everything to make sure that it didn’t. We’re pulling up to the bridge now. We’ll put him in the car and take him home, do you want to follow us? Talk and have some tea or coffee?”, she said as she shut her door and walked toward the shadow next to the car that was parked on the bridge.

“Yes, I think I see you.”, Natasha said as she put down the phone and hung up.

Jack grabbed Victor gently, careful not to move him too much and wake him up. They laid him down in the back of the car and Emily joined in the back to keep an eye on him. Then they headed home, put Victor in his bed and had a long talk with Natasha about what happened with Victor. She was so scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am... so sorry. This chapter shouldn't have taken this long, but my life got busier and this just kept getting pushed to the bottom of the list. I lost a job, then found a new one and started that. I started school and was just busy. I really want to thank you all for your messages while I was away. They really meant a lot to me even though I didn't reply which I am so sorry about. I was okay, nothing bad happened to me and I am still okay. As always, comments are appreciated and encouraged, I love reading them and your ideas for what could happen in this book. I really want to involve you guys with this and give you stuff that you want to read. Also, thank you for over 3500 reads and nearly 190 kudos, it really makes me warm and fuzzy on the inside. I will be working on the next chapter soon, but with school and my new job it might be awhile before I get time to write it, but it will hopefully be within the month at most.  
> I love you all, see you in the next chapter!


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